Christmases

This last week has been pretty eventful! We've had Zach's Christmas party for work,  there was a Christmas celebration with Zach's mom's side of the family,  Zach and I had our own special Christmas eve together,  we had Christmas at the Jacobson's and we had our makeup Christmas with the Gilbert's yesterday. Whew.  We were showered with lots of fun stuff,  it's like we were getting married all over again! I don't know what we did to deserve it,  but it was so fun. Although it was a lot of traveling and we hate leaving our poor Lil pup at home,  it was so nice seeing everyone.  We got to see every one of our family members except for my mom and Bill. If everything goes as planned my mom and Bill will be able to move up to Oregon in time for next Christmas so that we won't have to miss them again.
We have such an awesome family, I honestly can't think of a better environment to raise our kids.  They are going to be loved by so many grandmas, grandpas, aunties,  uncles,  and cousins.
I am so excited about 2014! I'm praying it will be a year that brings us a little bundle of joy, but even if that isn't the case we are still moving forward.  Zach is going back to school,  we are moving to Salem,  and if Zach gets his way then we will probably get another doggy (can you believe Reggie isn't enough for him?) The Holiday season is a great way to end the year,  is so nice to reflect on the year surrounded by so much love. Have I mentioned how great my fam bam is? Oh yeah,  we should be getting our wedding pictures back soon,  finally! !!

Helpful souls

Thank goodness for my family! Yesterday I had to work both jobs while being sick, and I was tired and moody and the only thing that got me through the day is my ridiculous cousin Samantha. She is one of the funniest people I know, and I needed a good laugh. My spirits also got a boost because she is so encouraging.
Today is my day off, and on my days off I like to call my sister Mollie while I'm bee bopping around the house. I expected the conversation to be about how frustrating it is to not get pregnant when you expect it to be so easy. Apparently my sister's week has been a rough one, and she told me all about it. It really put things in perspective for me. I mean really Carol? What are you complaining about? Being a mom is hard, and I need to have more patience in waiting to be one.

The darkness

I am so tired of being sick. It's really starting to get me down. I'm trying to stay positive, but it's hard to work when I feel like crap. I need to find the motivation to think positively about getting pregnant, but these viruses are killing my mental health as well as my physical health. I'm over here wallowing in a dark pit of the endless cold. I wish I had the immune system my husband has. He is a tank.
On the bright side of things I got to wear my Santa sweater vest today at work, and I was matching with one of my residents! Aren't we precious?

Oh Facebook

I did something that I've never done before.. EVER! I deleted my Facebook. It's crazy, I only thought about it for about ten minutes, but that is all it took for me to realize how much Facebook was hurting me.
First of all, every time I see a pregnancy announcement it makes me happy/sad/frustrated because I'm legitimately happy for whoever it is, but it reminds me how I'm not pregnant yet, and frustrated because I've been trying, and it hasn't happened yet. I'm a selfish person because I can't leave it at being happy for them without feeling bad for myself. I'm terrible. Anyways, it will be better for me not to see it so I don't get anxious.
Another thing that is really bothering me is how people present themselves on Facebook. Please don't fill your Facebook with all this Bologna about how your life is perfect. Nobody's life is perfect, we all live imperfect, slightly crazy, lives. And that is what makes life beautiful. Don't try and present yourself as perfect. You don't have to prove yourself or your relationship on Facebook. Cause I'm not buying it anyways. I'm not saying don't be happy, because I love happy posts!
Just be realistic about it for Pete's sake!
I read a post today from someone who was going on and on about how their wife was the "best wife ever."
I'm not sure if this bothered me more because he is saying (indirectly) I am a worse wife, or because his wife was confiding in me about how she was struggling in their relationship just a few days prior. Everyone has their ups and downs, and that's ok, but please don't imply that every other wife out there is worse than yours. Truthfully, this really shouldn't bother me, but it does, and dumb Facebook stuff like this is why I deleted it. Now it doesn't have to bother me.
I suppose I should go apologize to my husband for getting mad at him for deleting his fb a few weeks ago.
Here is to being happier and not wasting my time.

The Ups and Downs

I would be lying if I said preparing for a baby was easy. Every day there is something that stresses me out when I think about providing for a baby. There is so much I need to work on. Finances, shopping, cooking, I really need to step up my domestic skills. Sometimes I even wonder, "Is this what I really want?" My answer is yes. One of the reasons why I was really horrible at school was because I was HORRIFIED of challenges. If I knew there was the slightest chance I might fail at something I just tried to avoid it altogether. It may sound silly, but it is REALLY hard for me to rise to a challenge. I don't consider myself a go-getter and that is something I really need to work on. My sisters are great inspiration for me because they have incredible domestic skills. As many good pieces of advise they give me, I really have to dig deeper and try harder to want to make the sacrifices to make it happen. I need to stop being afraid of making sacrifices.
I'll tell you what, whenever I do get pregnant, it won't be just a 9 month pregnancy, because I have already put 3 months worth of preparing for a baby into this. And it  hasn't been easy, and it honestly makes me sad sometimes. So to those of you who didn't have to wait to get pregnant, you are lucky. But maybe I might just be more prepared... If you could ever even reeeally prepare yourself anyways. Maybe it will happen this month, but I can't afford to get my hopes up.

Keep moving forward

So another month down and still not pregnant. We are patiently waiting, but in the mean time God had been answering some of our other prayers. For instance we have been praying for other job opportunities for myself because being pregnant at a memory care facility is one of the worst places to be pregnant. First of all because of the smell... Won't pair well with morning sickness. Also germs spread insanely fast there (I get sick all the time) and it is pretty intense lifting that much all day. I talked to my amazing cousin (pretty much sister) Samantha about getting a job at her work (Playtos closet) and whamo she got me a job. I start tonight at 5. I'm nervous about all the driving, but it's a great opportunity.
Zach and I are still preparing emotionally for a baby, so although it's sad, I'm ok with not being pregnant yet.