30 Weeks? That's Just Crazy...

The last two weeks have been pretty great! The fact that I will have my son in my arms soon is starting to set in finally. It's funny to think that way back in February I was pregnant. February seems like eternity ago! I've come a LONG way since then, and I have learned so much. I'm sure the next ten weeks will teach me many more things as well.
Camping was a BLAST. We drove 5 hours to Bumping Lake, Washington and I only wanted to kill my husband for about the last half hour, which is pretty good. I was hungry AND I had to pee, oh and my bum hurt. My husband has this habit of singing the first two lines of a chorus of a song over and over it's really obnoxious cute. It was rainy and cloudy and when we drove over there, but no rain once we got there, just bitter cold. It would not have been so cold had we been able to build a campfire, but there was a ban in the area we were camping, and we were not happy campers about it. I love building campfires. It was actually part of my job at one point in my life, and I have a very hard time letting men build campfires because I can (usually) do it better, and most men assume that women do not know how to do such things. But I love making fire! Anyways, it was so nice being re-united with my best friend. She is a very smart and kind woman, and I appreciate the time I get to spend with her. We had dinner and huddled around citronella candles and pretended they were doing their job of scaring away mosquitos. You know how I thought it would be hard getting in and out of the tent? Well I was right, it flat out sucked. We have a two person tent. I should have counted Uriah into that equation, because it sucked. Oh yeah, we had our dear ol' dog with us too, so between the four of us, it was uncomfortable. But at least I can say I did it! I took my bump camping at 7 months pregnant and I survived and had fun. It was also great to have no cell reception for a few days. We just spent time together exploring and swimming and eating great food (thank you Dustin.) The trip was much needed. By Sunday we were covered in bug bites, sunburned and incredibly smelly, and boy did my shower feel great when I got home.
My body is still adjusting to carrying this belly around. It's a lot heavier than I imagined it to be. Last week I looked down, because I thought my shoes were untied, and I realized for the first time.... I can't see my feet. I chuckled to myself. I've had to be very careful and thoughtful about how I move because if I do it wrong it hurts in strange places that have never hurt before. I've had tons of braxton hicks, and sometimes they are very uncomfortable. They mostly happen in the evening so it is really hard if I'm not home to relax through them.
I also realized something this week, and it's kinda profound. I'm not a whale! Yes, I have a big belly, but it is a very normal sized belly for someone who is 30 weeks. I hear from a lot of people (3 times in my 4 hour shift yesterday in fact) "Are you about to pop?!" or "Any day now right?" The only thing about to pop is me popping you in the face! I realize they have good intentions, but it makes me feel like I look like I am 40 weeks, and I'm really not that big. I need to let their words roll off my shoulders, but it is so hard because they don't realize that I struggle with body image (like most women do) and comments about my size can sting a little. I've come to find strangers feel entitled to comment about my weight when I am carrying a baby, and most of the time they are trying to be nice, but it is hard to hear so frequently throughout my day. So THANK YOU to those of you who tell me I look beautiful because it really does help to hear that after hearing well intended, but poorly executed comments from my customers at work. This bump is only getting bigger so I seriously need to work of deflecting those comments. This is probably preparing me for motherhood when people will start weighing in on my parenting decisions. Am I right mommas?
My little wiggle worm is so fun! I've noticed his schedule more and more, and he has been showing off lately for my co-workers who think it is just as cute as I do. I love it when people get excited about feeling Uriah wiggle, because I think it's the coolest thing ever, and I have this feeling Uriah likes it too. The little feet I feel in my tummy will be the little feet I get to kiss soon. It's very strange to feel them from outside my belly and imagine them growing in there and how they were once so small and now they are big enough for me to tell they are feet! I'm hoping he gets my feet and not his daddy's. We will find out very soon!

28 Weeks!

I apologize for my lack of week 27 post! Trust me, I tried to write it, there is a draft saved, but it wasn't anything you wanted to read! I typed and deleted three different paragraphs because I couldn't stop being emotional and saying things I didn't mean!
But week 28 brought a visit to my midwives, who are super incredible. When I refer to my "midwives" I'm not only referring to my actual midwives, but the two student midwives who have sat in with my midwives at my appointments. They will be apart of my birth team when labor day comes. They are great, and they will be awesome midwives one day. Maybe they will be around to deliver babies 2-10 for us Gilberts. After I get Uriah's birth center birth out of the way, I can move onto home birth, river birth, and mountain birth. It's important to birth in many landscapes. I'm JUST KIDDING, I won't have ten babies (probably)....
I was explaining to my birth team how crazy I have been the past few weeks, emotionally and physically. It's been ROUGH. I realize there is a mind-body connection and when one is off the other gets thrown off too, and I just couldn't stay on top of either of them. I had a schedule change at work so I've been working a lot more hours, and I've been working early mornings instead of afternoons, so that just complicated everything. I was riding non-stop on the struggle bus. My birth team was SO encouraging! I went in feeling beaten by my third trimester already, and I walked out of there with my head held high. My third trimester will NOT own me. My body is still in my control, not crazy hormones, and I can make the most out of the last few months of my pregnancy. It will still be hard, but I can get through it.
My birth team helped me come up with some ideas to help me get through the last couple months. I need to get this big ol bump in some water a couple times a week. The heat is making it miserable to take walks, and after working all day my feet can't handle it anyways. A nice float in a pool and doing some laps will both cool me off, and help me to be more active. I also need to be practicing yoga at home. I started taking prenatal yoga at my birth center from a lovely lady named Jen who will also be teaching our childbirth class. The class has been really fun, and very helpful in showing me great ways to stretch and relax and loosen up. Uriah really likes it too. So much so that it is a little hard to focus on breathing when he is being all crazy in there. Yoga has helped me become more aware of proper movement, and different muscles that I can strengthen for Uriah's delivery. My midwives also encouraged me to just go to the grocery store and get proper food for myself so I'm not eating crap all the time(my words not theirs)!
It was great to be encouraged to just force myself do it for a couple days until it starts to become apart of my schedule again. I can do it, I can be strong and not let third trimester kick my butt.
I'm already feeling better after trying hard for only two days. I even worked 5.5 hours without taking a break this morning, spilled steamed matcha latte all over myself and the floor while ten drinks were waiting to be made, had a pinched nerve in my arse and cried a little in front of ten people waiting for their caffeine fix, and I still managed to pull it together and be ok. Did I have to remove myself from the situation for 15 minutes and sit down even though there was stuff to do? Yes, but I can't help anyone if I don't take care of myself. I felt a lot better after I took a break, even though my pants were crusty from the spilled latte and my arse still hurt.
At my appointment I also got a glucose monitor so I can check for gestational diabetes. I said NO to glucola because if I'm going to consume that much sugar it better be a more enjoyable taste than that. Also, I have no risk factors for gestational diabetes, and the glucola test isn't always accurate, so sometimes people have to take it more than once. ALSO, drinking that nasty stuff isn't a good representation of what you eat on a normal basis anyways! So, I borrowed a glucose monitor and after testing yesterday I'm fairly certain I do not have gestational diabetes. I found it fascinating to take my blood sugar though! It's really quite interesting. The finger prick really didn't bother me, but I can see that if I had to do it all the time, it would not be fun at all.
Next week I really look forward to my CAMPING TRIP WITH MY BEST FRIEND! No, I'm not talking about Zach, I'm talking about the woman who loves me all the time and we aren't even married, or related (or at least not yet, I have great plans for our children to marry one day.) I get to go camping with my best friend, Aloura, and our lovely husbands, in Washington. I'm very, very excited, I have no idea how I will sleep in a sleeping bag, on the ground, in a tent and manage to get up frequently to go pee at night, but hey, it's only a few days. Ironically enough Aloura and her husband picked a campground called Bumping Lake. I'll show that lake whats really bumping... THIS BELLY!
Here are some pictures of our hikes from the last few weeks since the blog from week 27 died.

Week 26

Pregnancy is getting harder for me this week.  I'm to the point now where I can feel Uriah constantly. If he isn't kicking me I can feel the weight of his body shifting around inside all the time. I'm pretty sure I've been having braxton hicks occasionally, and they are extremely uncomfortable. It has happened a couple times in public, and I'm waiting for someone to think I'm in labor.
I was trying to take a nap the other day and he was tickling me under my rib. It's like he is talking to me when I feel him moving, and I feel like I have to pay attention, but now that I feel him constantly I need to learn to relax my mind when I need to, even if he is kicking up a storm.
I've been very emotional this week, and there have been nights where I feel downright depressed. Sometimes it's hard to place a finger on why I get to feeling so sad. I think it must be a combination of several things. Several things that I could deal with normally and be ok with,  but with the surge of hormones it makes it feel debilitating. I try to talk myself through it and resolve things in my head, but it still feels like I'm sitting under a big, thick and heavy blanket, and sometimes the best I can do to get out is pick at the seems.  I think Zach has a hard time understanding how it makes me feel, and he always tries to make me feel better, but if I were him I don't think I could really understand it either.
This week I've had a hard time sleeping because I just can't turn my thinker off. My feet have also started swelling, probably thanks to the heat, and just recently I discovered stretch marks on my breast.
You might be thinking, "wow you sure complain a lot about something you wanted, and something you should be grateful for." And often people tell me, "well this is what you wanted!"
It is possible to realize that I'm the luckiest woman alive to get to carry my precious baby, and at the same time struggle and hurt dealing with the burdens of pregnancy. I hope that I don't come off as just complaining, because my intent is to share in the ups and downs of this journey, not just the golden times. I've never understood before how you can feel altogether grateful and miserable at the same time. I love my son, and I can't beat myself up about having hard days because I should "just be grateful." It's ok for me to hurt. It's worse to be hurting and resent myself for it, than to just accept that not every day is going to feel great, and that's OK.
I'm terrified of postpartum. I'm afraid that adjusting to being a mom is going to be overwhelming and I'll be afraid to admit it. I'm afraid I won't be able to take care of myself after I take care of my son.
I don't know what to expect, and women rarely talk openly about true postpartum experiences because usually people just want to know how the baby is doing. But I care! I care how mom's are doing. I mean I love to see your newborn pictures,  but I always wonder if the mom is struggling. I know it isn't as easy as Facebook makes it seem. One day your huge and pregnant and the next your just a mom easy-peasy just like that. Or maybe it is that easy for some, but I'm guessing that isn't the case for every mom.
I love my baby. I love that he is mine and my husband's and Uriah is the best thing that we have. I'm thankful for my husband's support, and my family's support (sorry for all the depressing texts lately Mollie.) I love how you all understand me and don't make me feel like a bad person for struggling sometimes.
I did get to go have my midwife inspect the certain situation I was telling you about last week. She said it's completely normal! Yay! 

This weekend Zach and I had planned on going camping. We were pretty excited about it. Every campground in Oregon that took reservations was booked, so we thought we could find a spot at a little no-reservations campground somewhere around Oakridge. WRONG. We were very wrong. We ended up driving 7 hours for no campsite. After checking about 10 campsites we accepted our defeat and drove home. Reggie probably thinks we are crazy. I will say for the record, there was only one I would have wanted to stay at anyways. So for further camping spots we will not be looking to Oakridge again. No way, no how. We did spend some quality time in the car together, but a good deal of that was spent being disappointed that we didn't find a spot. Upon pulling into our driveway I was overcome with the hugest laughing outburst I've had in a very long time. I was crying I was laughing so hard, and I could barely park the car because I couldn't see through my tears. The hilarity that we had driven 7 hours just to return home was too much for me to handle. I think I needed a really good laugh after a not so great week. Zach didn't think it was as funny as I did. What can I say? I'm easily amused I guess. When we got home we took Reggie to the river and made some dinner. Neither of us had any desire to watch fireworks. We didn't feel like putting up with the crowds, and they hurt my ears anyways. Reggie was a champ with the fireworks. He didn't even care. We had a nice day together, we didn't get a picture in matching red, white, and blue outfits, but we got to spend time together, and that was nice! Tomorrow we are going to go hiking. Hopefully I can keep up with the husband and the dog!