Butt Chin Biographies : One Month Young

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

One Month Young

The first month has come and gone. It's been hard, it's been a little bit crazy, but mostly it's been beautiful. We've had some good days and some rough days, but everyday we figure it out a little more.
Everyday his eyes fade a little more from dark grey to a beautiful brown, and his gaze peers a little deeper into my eyes. I swear he can see straight into my soul. He gets that from his father I think. I love it when his curious eyes find mine from across the room. It makes me feel like the most important person in the universe. When I have his focus I concentrate all of my being into showing him how much I love him, because when you are one month old you don't understand the words, "I love you." You can feel love though. When I wrap him up against me and he can feel my breathing and feel my heart beat like when he was in my belly, or when I nurse him and the magical elixir relaxes his little body and sends him off to sleep. Even when he's just crying and all I can do is hold him so he knows I'm there. That's how I love my baby, and I know he feels it, because of this wonderful thing called a mother's instinct.

(Photo Cred: Jessica Kirkland Photography)

Bringing my baby into the world was the hardest thing I've ever done, so it shouldn't surprise me that becoming a mother and dying to myself everyday wouldn't be a walk in the park either. But just as the pain and anguish of labor had the biggest reward, so to has mothering. When I feel his body finally melt into mine after a fit of crying and strained muscles, or when his eyebrows reach to his forehead and his little lips curl up into a cheesy grin. When I wake up and he is still sleeping peacefully and I can watch his chest rise and fall and he mutters newborn ramblings off in dreamland.
That is the good stuff. That's my reward. That's my pat on the back saying, "You aren't half bad mom, I think we are gonna make it." It's how I know the anxiety I feel is not truth. The truth is this newborn stuff is gold. It's hard, but him and I are going to make it. Just like we made it through labor.

(Photo cred: Jessica Kirkland Photography)

At the end of the day if the only thing I accomplished was feeding the baby, and changing his diaper, I can still count it as a win because at the end of it all, Uriah needed me, and I was there, and that's the most important thing really.