28 Weeks!

I apologize for my lack of week 27 post! Trust me, I tried to write it, there is a draft saved, but it wasn't anything you wanted to read! I typed and deleted three different paragraphs because I couldn't stop being emotional and saying things I didn't mean!
But week 28 brought a visit to my midwives, who are super incredible. When I refer to my "midwives" I'm not only referring to my actual midwives, but the two student midwives who have sat in with my midwives at my appointments. They will be apart of my birth team when labor day comes. They are great, and they will be awesome midwives one day. Maybe they will be around to deliver babies 2-10 for us Gilberts. After I get Uriah's birth center birth out of the way, I can move onto home birth, river birth, and mountain birth. It's important to birth in many landscapes. I'm JUST KIDDING, I won't have ten babies (probably)....
I was explaining to my birth team how crazy I have been the past few weeks, emotionally and physically. It's been ROUGH. I realize there is a mind-body connection and when one is off the other gets thrown off too, and I just couldn't stay on top of either of them. I had a schedule change at work so I've been working a lot more hours, and I've been working early mornings instead of afternoons, so that just complicated everything. I was riding non-stop on the struggle bus. My birth team was SO encouraging! I went in feeling beaten by my third trimester already, and I walked out of there with my head held high. My third trimester will NOT own me. My body is still in my control, not crazy hormones, and I can make the most out of the last few months of my pregnancy. It will still be hard, but I can get through it.
My birth team helped me come up with some ideas to help me get through the last couple months. I need to get this big ol bump in some water a couple times a week. The heat is making it miserable to take walks, and after working all day my feet can't handle it anyways. A nice float in a pool and doing some laps will both cool me off, and help me to be more active. I also need to be practicing yoga at home. I started taking prenatal yoga at my birth center from a lovely lady named Jen who will also be teaching our childbirth class. The class has been really fun, and very helpful in showing me great ways to stretch and relax and loosen up. Uriah really likes it too. So much so that it is a little hard to focus on breathing when he is being all crazy in there. Yoga has helped me become more aware of proper movement, and different muscles that I can strengthen for Uriah's delivery. My midwives also encouraged me to just go to the grocery store and get proper food for myself so I'm not eating crap all the time(my words not theirs)!
It was great to be encouraged to just force myself do it for a couple days until it starts to become apart of my schedule again. I can do it, I can be strong and not let third trimester kick my butt.
I'm already feeling better after trying hard for only two days. I even worked 5.5 hours without taking a break this morning, spilled steamed matcha latte all over myself and the floor while ten drinks were waiting to be made, had a pinched nerve in my arse and cried a little in front of ten people waiting for their caffeine fix, and I still managed to pull it together and be ok. Did I have to remove myself from the situation for 15 minutes and sit down even though there was stuff to do? Yes, but I can't help anyone if I don't take care of myself. I felt a lot better after I took a break, even though my pants were crusty from the spilled latte and my arse still hurt.
At my appointment I also got a glucose monitor so I can check for gestational diabetes. I said NO to glucola because if I'm going to consume that much sugar it better be a more enjoyable taste than that. Also, I have no risk factors for gestational diabetes, and the glucola test isn't always accurate, so sometimes people have to take it more than once. ALSO, drinking that nasty stuff isn't a good representation of what you eat on a normal basis anyways! So, I borrowed a glucose monitor and after testing yesterday I'm fairly certain I do not have gestational diabetes. I found it fascinating to take my blood sugar though! It's really quite interesting. The finger prick really didn't bother me, but I can see that if I had to do it all the time, it would not be fun at all.
Next week I really look forward to my CAMPING TRIP WITH MY BEST FRIEND! No, I'm not talking about Zach, I'm talking about the woman who loves me all the time and we aren't even married, or related (or at least not yet, I have great plans for our children to marry one day.) I get to go camping with my best friend, Aloura, and our lovely husbands, in Washington. I'm very, very excited, I have no idea how I will sleep in a sleeping bag, on the ground, in a tent and manage to get up frequently to go pee at night, but hey, it's only a few days. Ironically enough Aloura and her husband picked a campground called Bumping Lake. I'll show that lake whats really bumping... THIS BELLY!
Here are some pictures of our hikes from the last few weeks since the blog from week 27 died.

Week 26

Pregnancy is getting harder for me this week.  I'm to the point now where I can feel Uriah constantly. If he isn't kicking me I can feel the weight of his body shifting around inside all the time. I'm pretty sure I've been having braxton hicks occasionally, and they are extremely uncomfortable. It has happened a couple times in public, and I'm waiting for someone to think I'm in labor.
I was trying to take a nap the other day and he was tickling me under my rib. It's like he is talking to me when I feel him moving, and I feel like I have to pay attention, but now that I feel him constantly I need to learn to relax my mind when I need to, even if he is kicking up a storm.
I've been very emotional this week, and there have been nights where I feel downright depressed. Sometimes it's hard to place a finger on why I get to feeling so sad. I think it must be a combination of several things. Several things that I could deal with normally and be ok with,  but with the surge of hormones it makes it feel debilitating. I try to talk myself through it and resolve things in my head, but it still feels like I'm sitting under a big, thick and heavy blanket, and sometimes the best I can do to get out is pick at the seems.  I think Zach has a hard time understanding how it makes me feel, and he always tries to make me feel better, but if I were him I don't think I could really understand it either.
This week I've had a hard time sleeping because I just can't turn my thinker off. My feet have also started swelling, probably thanks to the heat, and just recently I discovered stretch marks on my breast.
You might be thinking, "wow you sure complain a lot about something you wanted, and something you should be grateful for." And often people tell me, "well this is what you wanted!"
It is possible to realize that I'm the luckiest woman alive to get to carry my precious baby, and at the same time struggle and hurt dealing with the burdens of pregnancy. I hope that I don't come off as just complaining, because my intent is to share in the ups and downs of this journey, not just the golden times. I've never understood before how you can feel altogether grateful and miserable at the same time. I love my son, and I can't beat myself up about having hard days because I should "just be grateful." It's ok for me to hurt. It's worse to be hurting and resent myself for it, than to just accept that not every day is going to feel great, and that's OK.
I'm terrified of postpartum. I'm afraid that adjusting to being a mom is going to be overwhelming and I'll be afraid to admit it. I'm afraid I won't be able to take care of myself after I take care of my son.
I don't know what to expect, and women rarely talk openly about true postpartum experiences because usually people just want to know how the baby is doing. But I care! I care how mom's are doing. I mean I love to see your newborn pictures,  but I always wonder if the mom is struggling. I know it isn't as easy as Facebook makes it seem. One day your huge and pregnant and the next your just a mom easy-peasy just like that. Or maybe it is that easy for some, but I'm guessing that isn't the case for every mom.
I love my baby. I love that he is mine and my husband's and Uriah is the best thing that we have. I'm thankful for my husband's support, and my family's support (sorry for all the depressing texts lately Mollie.) I love how you all understand me and don't make me feel like a bad person for struggling sometimes.
I did get to go have my midwife inspect the certain situation I was telling you about last week. She said it's completely normal! Yay! 

This weekend Zach and I had planned on going camping. We were pretty excited about it. Every campground in Oregon that took reservations was booked, so we thought we could find a spot at a little no-reservations campground somewhere around Oakridge. WRONG. We were very wrong. We ended up driving 7 hours for no campsite. After checking about 10 campsites we accepted our defeat and drove home. Reggie probably thinks we are crazy. I will say for the record, there was only one I would have wanted to stay at anyways. So for further camping spots we will not be looking to Oakridge again. No way, no how. We did spend some quality time in the car together, but a good deal of that was spent being disappointed that we didn't find a spot. Upon pulling into our driveway I was overcome with the hugest laughing outburst I've had in a very long time. I was crying I was laughing so hard, and I could barely park the car because I couldn't see through my tears. The hilarity that we had driven 7 hours just to return home was too much for me to handle. I think I needed a really good laugh after a not so great week. Zach didn't think it was as funny as I did. What can I say? I'm easily amused I guess. When we got home we took Reggie to the river and made some dinner. Neither of us had any desire to watch fireworks. We didn't feel like putting up with the crowds, and they hurt my ears anyways. Reggie was a champ with the fireworks. He didn't even care. We had a nice day together, we didn't get a picture in matching red, white, and blue outfits, but we got to spend time together, and that was nice! Tomorrow we are going to go hiking. Hopefully I can keep up with the husband and the dog!

25 weeks! The Newest first!

I have some very interesting things to talk about this week, and it's not for the shy! I realize there is a fine line between being honest and too much information, but you know I gotta toe the line for the sake of being real. You know all those pins on Pinterest and those articles on huff post that claim to tell you the 10 things NO ONE tells you about pregnancy? Well none of those were ever things that I've never heard of. But! I have experienced something that indeed NO ONE warned me about with pregnancy! Perhaps this is because I am the ONLY one who has experienced it, but that is doubtful, although... Mommy did say I was special. In discovering this thing that nobody warned me about I also experienced the first time I....... Actually I'll get to that later, I should weed out any men who may be reading this by going through the mundane stuff first!
This week has been a good one. Little guy has been moving and grooving all the time. Sometimes I wonder if he is getting enough sleep between the cartwheels he preforms in my womb. I've been trying to nail down his position, and then I realized that all 13 inches of him just move everywhere. He is a free bird. I thought he was lying transverse, which I'm pretty sure is how he prefers it (you better get over that pretty soon here little guy) maybe because I'm short torso-ed? But I woke up this morning and rolled over and I could feel the entire length of his body running from top to bottom, not side to side. He is a long little baby. I've had conversations with him about proper positioning for birth. If he doesn't present head first then I will not be able to deliver at Bella Vie, and since he is fond of his midwives he better be head down when he chooses to arrive. Until I get a little further along and he starts running out of room I won't worry about what position he is in. I believe the saying "let them be little" applies here? Cartwheel your little heart out son!
I had another great dream about my little Uriah. It started off kinda funny, but the good part was that I got to "see" my son in my dream, and wouldn't you know it, he looked just like his daddy! He was the cutest thing, and he latched like a pro (just like his daddy, wait... what? TMI!)
The belly button situation is still stretching. I am confident I will have stretch marks around my belly button, so cute! The perfect look for summer! All the cool kids will wish they started the trend. I have to say I am SO SO SO incredibly thankful to my past self for never getting my belly button pierced! That would have been the worst mistake ever at this point in the game, it pains me to think what worse off my belly button would be had I chosen to cut a hole through it. I never even thought about getting it pierced because I'm just that forward thinking. Go Carol!
If there are any men still reading this at this point, take a hike, it's about to get incredibly feminine up in here.
..
...
..
Ok, I think they are gone. On to the "good stuff." My body has changed in so many ways through these 25 weeks. Every once in awhile I look myself over in the mirror and notice the changes, and take it all in because this is the new Carol, I'm a mom now, and I need to be ok with how my body looks, and appreciate the changes my body must go through to support the life of my baby. The first change I noticed were my HUGE knockers I mean breasts. The ladies grew at least two cup sizes, and it hurt. Then I noticed my midsection start to get bigger and bigger. I also noticed my nipples have gotten a little bigger, and a little darker which was hard for me to cope with. I always thought I had nice sized ones, and I didn't want them to get bigger because I didn't think it was "cute." But then I realized, because my husband kept telling me how great I look, that it really doesn't matter. Even if my husband wasn't completely enamored with my pregnant body, my body is for my son for the time being, and I'm grateful that my body knows what to do to take care of my son and give him the nourishment he needs. Also, the only reason I'm not ok with my body changing is because I have this idea in my head of what beauty is based on what society has told me. I've really been trying to change this idea because it's not helpful to think hurtful things about myself. I've been trying to find beauty in everyday people, especially moms. I've found that finding beauty in others makes it a lot more easy to find it in myself. Funny how that works.
As I was inspecting my nipples (did I really just say that?) and I found two skin tags on my left nipple on the outside. WHAT???? I've never had those before! Naturally, being a picker, I ripped them off because they were just barely attached and barely hanging in there. That nipple has since healed and you can't even tell they were there. Last night I was looking at the other nipple and I noticed ANOTHER one! But this one is on the tip. I was trying to figure out how big it was, and how attached it was, and then all of a sudden... COLOSTRUM! It leaked out a little bit! Just a tiny bit of clear fluid! At first I had no idea if it was from the skin tag or if it was indeed my pre-milk. I just assumed it was from the tag. I found out pretty quickly that this tag wasn't just going to come off because it was red and angry now and my poor nipple hurt BAD. This morning I woke up and looked at my other nipple to compare the two, and what do you know, COLOSTRUM! It's official, I'm a leaker. I used to be afraid of the day this would happen, but now that it has happened I'm so impressed with my body! I'm SO excited to feed my baby! Apparently my boobs are excited too! Well, I guess my nipple is a little pissed off that I was messing with it, but other than that, they are getting ready to do the GREATEST thing they were created to do, feed my baby! They are fulfilling their grand purpose in life, way to go tittties!
I texted my midwife this morning and asked her about the skin tag because I clearly couldn't take care of it myself. I also wasn't sure if it would interfere with anything since I think it is close to a duct. She called me and told me she would have to see it to tell what it was, and then possibly refer me to a dermatologist. So I will be going to Bella Vie on Monday to have her check it out.
So there ya go, the one thing NOBODY warned me about: Skin tags on your nipples! I hope that none of my pregnant lady friends has to experience this, but if you do, you are not alone! I'm there in the trenches with you!
Also, why is it not a bigger deal when a woman leaks for the first time? I feel like it's a right of passage! I guess I am kinda crazy, but I see this as a huge step in my pregnancy. So to all my fellow leaky-boobies, cheers for today we carry child, and tomorrow we feed our babies the best stuff on earth!
I'm gonna go check myself into the loony bin now!

Week 24!

24 weeks with my little guy, and I'm growing closer and closer to him. He is a crazy little guy. I never thought I'd be able to feel him wiggling ALL THE TIME. Sometimes he gets so crazy in there and it makes me wonder what he is up to. Is he dancing? Practicing karate? Moving my organs out of the way? Or maybe just saying hi? Either way I love it. I wake up sometimes and he is wiggling around and I can't wait for the day when he is earth side and up in the middle of the night doing the same thing and I get to look my son in the eye and tell him to go to sleep or else! And if he is anything like his father then he will spend the rest of his life being a wiggle worm in his sleep. His poor future wife. I mean *cough cough* what? I have the best sleep ever next to my man.
This week we had another prenatal appointment. In case you are just tuning into Butt Chin Biographies, I'm receiving prenatal care at Bella Vie Gentle Birth Center and every prenatal test is optional for me! Which is awesome because there are tests that are really just not relevant to me. I knew that the glucose test was coming up, so I was looking forward to learning about it from my midwives. Pretty much every woman takes a picture of her glucose drink, it's like a right of passage for pregnancy. Am I right? I asked my midwife why most pregnant ladies take this test, and what are good reasons for not taking the test, or possible alternatives to the test. What I learned is that I have no risk factors for gestational diabetes (YAY GO GOYER FAM) and a lot of times the test needs to be re-done, and one of the ingredients in the drink isn't even regulated by the FDA. Also that much sugar just isn't good for any body, pregnant or not. BUT they did explain to me the problems that gestational diabetes causes and that doesn't sound like fun either. So, an alternative to the glucose drink is getting a blood sugar tester thing (yes that is the official name) and taking your blood sugar levels two hours after you eat twice a day for a couple days. This not only shows a much better picture of what your blood sugar looks like, but I'm told it's really helpful in making better eating decisions. I DEFINITELY need help in that department, so I opted for the alternative test instead. No nasty flat soda drank for this pregnant lady. I'll save my sugar intake for something much more appetizing thank you!
My sister brought up a question I have never thought about before. She was curious how EVERY pregnant lady was supposed to dilate to 10 cm before pushing, when we all have different bodies and different sized babies. I was like, wow, I have no idea. Every woman does not have the same size anything, so why should the cervix be any different? So I posted the question on my birth center's private facebook page (reason number 385 that I LOVE my birth center) and asked the midwives to shed some of their wisdom on the subject. The response was remarkable! I learned so much about dilation and how it's measured and how my midwives felt about closed glottis pushing. All this from throwing it out on facebook. If you are curious about this, message me! One of my midwives' doctoral classmates got a hospital in Alaska to change their policy on closed glottis pushing and it made their cesarean rate go from 30% to 15%!!!! Oh what's Bella Vie's cesarean rate you ask? 4.9 % in the last 3 years! That's impressive folks!
In other news, thanks to copious amounts of Bio Oil, and now Earth Mama's Stretch Oil my belly button is no longer about to rip in half! Praise the Lord! My grand canyon of a belly button is still on it's way to becoming Mt. Everest, but right now we are at Great Plains. I'm sure you were all wondering how it was doing, so there ya go!
Oh I turned 24 last Thursday, so that was exciting. I celebrated by getting a pedicure with shellac because my darn toes are just so far away now, and it's hard to keep up with the paint. I got to spend some nice time with my family too. This time of the year I get showered with the love because Mother's day is a couple weeks before our anniversary, and then it's my birthday! My poor husband. It works out ok though, because after my birthday is Father's day, so now there is that for him!

23 weeks

Where do I even start? What a week. This week has lasted an entire month I feel.
It started out pretty well with a trip up to Portland with my sister, and the kiddos to go to Athleta. I won a contest on instagram for a $250 gift card to Athleta, and two boxes of Luna bars. I also got some awesome samples from Yes to Carrots. I don't think I've ever spent 250 dollars on clothes before. I RARELY buy anything full price, so it felt so wrong pining through 50 dollar shirts for something I wanted. But I got over it, and we had fun on my shopping spree. I found two tank tops, an awesome sports bra for the poor "girls", and some awesome linen shorts. My sister loved the shorts I found, so I got her the same pair in a different color. It was fun shopping with her and Ella, who dances more than she shops in stores with great music. We also went to dinner in Sherwood with some of Mollie's friends from her mommy and me group. Good food, good company!
I think Uriah is going through a growth spurt because my "girls" are hurting all over again, I've had trouble sleeping, and the skin over my belly feels like it is going to tear in half right down the middle. I did not know that stretch marks actually hurt. I've heard that you get itchy, but not that it feels like ripping. My belly button is (was) one of the deepest around. I thought I wouldn't have to worry about my belly button popping out, but this week I was proven I was VERY VERY wrong. In a matter of days, my belly went from fine, to taught, to oh my goodness, I'm going to break. The skin around my belly button is bruised. I wish I was kidding. And it hurts so bad. I can't even touch it, I don't want Zach to touch it, I just want to rub Bio Oil on it and pray it stops hurting. I'm not upset about getting stretch marks, I couldn't care less. My body is for my baby, and I know it's part of the process. The ripping sensation is another story. I'm so grateful for my little guy, and I'm so glad he is growing, but ouch. Ouch Uriah, ouch. I would post a picture, but my belly button is camera shy, and I don't want to scare you, so you will have to take my word for it.
Every week my app tells me how big he is, and it is starting to bother me because comparing a baby to a pomegranate seems preposterous. My child is neither the size, nor shape of a pomegranate. Pomegranates do not have legs, or arms, and they definitely don't make your belly button bruise.
Uriah has been moving all the time, and I love being able to let people feel my belly when he is hanging out towards the "surface." Pregnant bellies are incredible, and it's incredible what a woman's body does to grow a child, and so I love when people can touch him and they realize just how cool it is. Some people are freaked out by pregnant bellies, and bless their hearts, but I hope one day they take it for what it is, a beautiful process, and also just really cool.
This may sound crazy, but I already know I'm going to miss being pregnant. I feel so close to my little guy and I feel like I am never alone because I have my son swimming around in there. It's like the ultimate snuggle. I know one day he is going to be too old and cool to snuggle his mommy, and so I'm just really trying to be grateful for this time. When I told Zach I would miss being pregnant with Uriah because I will miss his little kicks, he said, "Ah honey, I'll still kick you!" and when I told him I'm sad I can't cuddle Uriah forever he said, "That's what your husband is for." Ok, Zach, you got me there.

Being Pregnant..... A poem for a hurting family

Someone I care about lost their sweet baby at 33 weeks gestation. I haven't been able to wrap my mind around what happened, or what this beautiful family must be going through. All I can muster in my mind, is that sweet baby Nolan experienced his life of 33 weeks surrounded by love and joy. Although his life was much too short, I don't believe that there could be a better way to spend his 33 weeks than growing in his mommy's belly and feeling all the love poured on him from not just mommy, daddy, and his big brother, but their entire community of friends and family who loved little Nolan before they even met him. I have been praying like crazy for those who are hurting, and I hope healing comes soon. I wrote this poem because I never understood these things about pregnancy before 23 weeks ago when I found out I was expecting my own little guy, and I realize now how precious each little life is, no matter how small.

Being pregnant is giving yourself over completely

to a precious life who knows and feels only your heart.

Being pregnant is knowing that the little heartbeat in your womb

is everything that you hope for.

Being pregnant is letting your baby experience love

before ever knowing what love is.

Being pregnant is loving more profoundly,

for your baby feels every ounce of joy that love brings.

Being pregnant is knowing that you grow more than bones and skin

but a soul that develops on it's mother's and father's love.

Being pregnant is being vulnerable to the life that you carry

that holds a piece of your heart within it.
Being pregnant is not just carrying a baby who's heart influences just yours and your husband's,
but every person who loves that sweet, sweet life within you.

22 Weeks

This week the husband and I got to celebrate our first anniversary! We have been joking about it for awhile. I guess you could say we aren't too impressed with ourselves for staying married a year, because well, it was easy! Of course we have had our ups and downs, and our share of disagreements, but overall, we share a common goal, and I just love the snot out of my husband.
We went out to dinner on Monday to celebrate and talk about our year. We shared our favorite moments, what we learned and what we didn't expect. Looking back it is funny to both of us how we decided after being married for 4 whole months that we were ready to start our family. If you had asked us on our wedding day when we wanted kids we would have told you, "In a couple years!" Call us crazy, but we haven't regretted it. It felt like the only thing we were supposed to do. I often wonder where we would be, or what we would be doing if we didn't decide to start our family. Preparing to be mommy and daddy has changed who we are as individuals, and also as a couple. Our whole way of thinking now has to accommodate a tiny little human who we get to raise to be a loving, responsible, and kind adult. I know that to keep our sanity I will have to take care of my husband's needs just as much as I will tend to Uriah's needs. And Zach will do the same for me.
One of the reasons why I love my husband is that he understands me. He called my sister for help with my present for our anniversary. He told her he didn't want to get me jewelry because he knew I would appreciate something I can use more, and he wanted some ideas. Well he ended up getting me 4 camis (I wear them everyday and my old ones do not cover the bump anymore) a new maternity maxi skirt, because those things are like heaven I tell you, HEAVEN, and he got Uriah two adorable outfits. I was swooning. He really listens to what I want, and didn't just get me flowers. I really dislike getting flowers from him. I feel like it is the most unromantic thing he could do for me. Maxi skirt for the win! Also it was just pretty impressive what he picked out for our son to wear. I'm pretty sure we will use one outfit for his going home get-up. It was pretty cool imagining that in 4 months we are going to have a baby to put in that cute little onesie.
I love my marriage, I'm so grateful for the support I receive from my husband. My husband has given me so many fantastic gifts over the years, but I'm pretty sure the best gift he will have given me won't be here for about 4 more months!