Ever since I've been pregnant I've had to become even more aware of what goes into my body because now, obviously, I'm not just feeding myself. I guess you could say I'm a fairly typical eater, I go out to eat every once in awhile, only fast food once every two months. I prepare my own food at home most of the time, but that doesn't mean it's healthy all the time.
I had a doctor tell me recently that I have low blood sugar and I am also anemic. I was really disappointed to hear this because I feel like I'm doing a bad job at giving myself and my baby the nutrition we need. It hasn't been easy for me to eat during this pregnancy because I only want to eat when I'm REALLY hungry, and then when I do eat I don't eat very much. I have also been craving sweets like a mad woman.
I've also been struggling with juggling everyone's opinion about what I should or shouldn't be eating. I've found during pregnancy people will tell you what you should and should not be eating. I've found this incredibly frustrating, and it's hard to not take offense to what people say. I work at a coffee shop and I have CHOSEN to not drink caffeinated espresso. Why? Because it dehydrates me and makes me jittery when I haven't eaten a lot. I do not believe that drinking a cup of coffee or two a day is in any way going to hurt my baby. Some women don't give up coffee at all, and drink tons of it, and they have healthy happy babies and they don't spend 9 months being grumpy because of it. Does this stop anyone from making comments to me about not drinking coffee? No! I hear things like, "Oh no, that's not for you is it?" Or, "I hope that's decaf!" I have a couple ways I could chose to respond, I could either inform them it's not for me, or it is decaf, and they would feel justified in saying something. I could inform them on caffeine's effect on a baby and how a cup of coffee won't hurt my baby, and then they would judge me anyways, or I could just play along and again, they would be glad they saved my poor fetus from shrinking to death. None of these makes me feel any better, and so I hate when people say things to me about coffee. It's as if they HAVE to say something, like they MUST address the situation or it's awkward if they don't.
I've also had a couple people ask me if I'm "allowed" to have fish. Most of the time I don't feel like preaching to them about mercury, and how it's found in a couple kinds of fish, and how many great things there are in fish for everyone, not just pregnant women, and fish should be eaten at least once a week and blah blah blah. Sometimes I feel like it would be easier for me if I had done no research and just been a pregnant little sheep who didn't think for herself or do any research on anything so that I would be blissfully unaware of how people like to keep pregnant women in a box.
All of these things have been dwindling away my confidence in myself and my ability to take care of myself and my family, and I wonder, will I ever be one of those moms who can consistently prepare healthy meals for my family? Will I ever be able to stop eating sugars and processed foods every once in awhile? Is it ok if I don't?
I hate that I feel this way, but I know nutrition is something I need to work on. I've been trying to figure out how to make eating right functional for us, and it isn't easy. I don't want to eat right for the sake of bragging about it on Instagram or Facebook. I need to find a way to being committed to making permanent changes in our diet. If I get there, I'll let you know. I know it isn't something that is going to happen overnight, and subtle progressive changes are what is going to last. I also know that I have to stop feeling so guilty about everything and just try my best, but it's easy to be brought down by people's words, and I have to learn to shake it off, 'cause you all know they aren't going to stop saying things. I'm trying to become a stronger woman, and confidence doesn't come easy to me. I want to make a difference by not being someone who says belittling things to other women, but being encouraging and not judging other women. Mistakes are inevitable, but I hope people think of me as someone who is supportive and nice, and someone who isn't perfect, but tries her best.
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