19 weeks

Today I am 19 weeks pregnant. Every week, like so many other pregnant women, I like to look at my handy dandy pregnancy app (who am I kidding, I have at least 3) and see how big the baby is. I used to think, "how cute, a little raspberry" but now I am like, "MANGO? Where am I supposed to fit that?" I feel like my belly isn't growing fast enough. I cannot eat a lot, and I cannot take a deep breath. I knew these were all things that happened when you got pregnant, but I was expecting this at like 30 weeks, not 19.
Zach was able to feel Uriah move for the first time on Mother's day. It was such an awesome experience. He got really excited and immediately put his head on my tummy and started talking to him. He was pretty impressed with his little son's brute strength to kick through so many layers to say hi to him. I can feel Uriah moving all throughout the day now. I can tell when he is sleeping and when he is awake, and I can tell that he finally has budged from his curled up position on the bottom. I got a video of him kicking me and you can see my belly rise from the outside. For some reason I think this is the best thing ever. It is the best feeling to feel my son getting stronger and stronger. I love being able to feel where he is hanging out, and wondering whether he is kicking or punching. I think pregnancy is incredible (yeah, I know, I'm one of THOSE women) and growing a baby is really cool.
Another first this week is that someone noticed I was pregnant for the first time without me saying anything to them! It was one of my customers at work, and she said it wasn't that I was huge or anything, she said there is just a "way about me." and she could "just tell." It was probably one of the best things anyone has said to me, because sometimes pregnancy really isn't cute, and I feel awkward about my body. But moments like that I'm like, "Hell yeah, I'm a beautiful vessel of life!"
This week we also celebrated Mothers Day together. It was a lovely day. Usually I tell Zach what I want for whatever occasion presents itself (birthday, Christmas, V-day etc.) but last sunday was different because I'm not entirely a mom yet.. You know? So it's kinda different. Anyways, Zach was really sweet to me all day and made me feel very warm and special and loved. He took me to get a new cell phone because I couldn't hear out of my old one, and I wanted a nicer camera before my gorgeous, super-model, perfect baby came, so that I could capture every ounce of beauty. So I upgraded to the Samsung Galaxy S5 and it's great, so happy Mother's day to me. We also had dinner at my in-laws. The night before I got to see my incredible sisters, and my mommy and we celebrated being moms together. I really love all of the women in my life. I also got the best surprise ever in my mailbox on Mothers day. It was a cute little onesie with a bow tie on it, and it says, "ladies man" on it. It was accompanied by the sweetest card from my best friend Aloura. It was exactly what I needed that morning because I woke up feeling really grumpy. I'm so thankful for her because even though we live so far away from each other I still feel so connected to her, and I always know that she is rooting for me. She is the best.
Today was SO NICE! I woke up and went to hangout with my mother in law Julie, and we did a little bit of weed pulling in the garden. We also made Strawberry freezer jam, and made a collage of a bunch of adorable pictures of my brother in law for his graduation party. We went to lunch together and also did a bit of shopping. I realize how fortunate I am to have such loving in laws, and I'm very thankful for all of them.
I also got to go outside and lay (uncomfortably) in the grass and play fetch with Reggie. I soaked up some vitamin D and I read a book that my mother in law(Caron) sent to me for mothers day that I have been wanting to read called Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. So far the book is very interesting, and I am really enjoying it!
This week I have a doctor's appointment to talk about my symptoms, and hopefully get some advise about them. Next week is my next prenatal appointment, and the week after is my ANATOMY SCAN! I can't wait to see my little Uriah Blaine again!

Week 18, Month 5

This week has already been better than the last! I was under some serious stress last week, and it wasn't helping my symptoms. I'm really glad I was honest with my post because the out-pouring of support and advise from all of you followers was so encouraging. Sometimes it is really hard to focus on anything besides what is going on with my crazy body, but it was nice to hear such encouraging words and hear other mommies stories as well. It helps put everything into perspective. So, thank you to all of you who were so kind to me, and also those of you who have been praying for me and my little Uriah.
It's kinda funny, before I got pregnant I always looked at mothers as like this sort of cult, like they all talked about diapers and crawling and first words, and the only way to relate to them was by having a kid. I was also afraid of most moms because a lot of moms come with very strong opinions on just about everything. I was afraid of being judged for making my own parenting decisions. What I didn't expect was how amazingly encouraging moms are. I've never once felt alone in this journey, and for that I am so grateful. I also have learned that although I will be judged for making some decisions, I really could care less. I am very confident in making decisions for my family. I also have learned to respect other mommies for making their own decisions for their families too. Now that I'm having a baby I realize that for every decision there is to make about parenthood, there are a million circumstances that influence the decider. I speak for myself and my family only about whats best for us, and sometimes only myself, because believe it or not, Zach and I don't agree on everything, shocker, right?
I've been thinking a lot about all of the first-trimester mommies out there who are experiencing the newness of pregnancy, but haven't announced it yet because of the fear of miscarriage. Thank goodness I had my sisters, my family, and my best friends to help me through that stage because the 1st trimester is rough! I wish women felt more comfortable announcing their pregnancies sooner for this reason. I actually wanted to announce sooner than I did because I was SO EXCITED about it, but I felt like people would judge me for doing it so early. How sad is that? So if you are in your first trimester and want to talk about how crazy pregnancy is with someone, talk to me because I know how you feel, and no one should have to feel like they have to hide such an exciting thing from everyone.
On that note, if anyone is trying to conceive a baby read all of my blogs on how frustrating it is. IT SUCKS! And I only had to try for four months before we got our little guy. I won't tell you to "just don't stress about it, it will happen" because I know that isn't helpful. Not everyone gets pregnant immediately, and people don't talk publicly about the struggle to get pregnant because it's a tough journey. It should be talked about because women going through this need support. Every month when I cried because I got my period I needed the support from my family and friends, and I'm lucky to have them, but not everyone does. For some it's a silent battle, and if that's you, I'm here for you!
Anyways! I have been feeling better, I'm not as dizzy and my heart palpitations aren't bothering me like they were because I'm kinda getting used to it. My dreams have also gotten a lot better and I think it is because I've let go of a lot of stress. I talked to my midwife and I am still going to go to a doctor to talk about my symptoms and the possibility of me having an ulcer. It helps that my little guy is SO strong now, and when he kicks me I really feel it, and it is the most comforting thing ever before I fall asleep. He is already such a sweet baby for helping me feel better, thanks bud.
I have so much to look forward to for this pregnancy and although it is going to be a HOT summer with a huge belly (sweat EVERYwhere) we have so many fun things going on. I'm excited for many weekends with family, and a camping trip with Uriah's Aunty Lola and Uncle Dustin in Washington. He is a lucky little fetus.

Letter to my baby

Dear Uriah Blaine,
 Last night your daddy was able to feel you moving for the first time! I was overjoyed to share that experience with him because I love being able to feel you kicking and wiggling in there. I first felt you move around 15 weeks, and it was one of the best feelings. Since then I've felt you grow stronger and stronger. You are growing into such a strong baby, and I'm so privileged that I get to feel you grow like this. Every morning I wake up I can feel you wake up too. I feel so connected to you and I am trying to cherish every moment because I will only ever hold you this close for this one part of your life.
I am starting to feel like where ever I go I bring Uriah with me. My belly is growing and  even throughout the day I can feel you kicking me, reminding me that you are in there. It's completely distracting and I love it every time. People are starting to notice my belly growing and it makes me so so proud of you! Every week your dad asks me, "How big is he now?" And I tell him whatever random fruit/veggie you are the size of. This week you are the size of a bell pepper. Your dad is pretty impressed by that. Last week you were the size of an onion, you're my little salsa baby.
One of the best things about being pregnant with you is watching my husband turn into your father. We talk about you all the time. We wonder what you are going to look like. We talk about what we will do if you do NOT have a butt-chin (love that little chin anyways, but wonder how you escaped the odds.) We talk about what sports you will play, and I tell your daddy that you aren't allowed to do motocross because it is much too dangerous. Then your dad tells me that you will do whatever you want to do. He even told me if you want to be a ballerina he will practice your dances with you. I'm really hoping you go this route now because I really want to see your dad in a tu-tu. We discussed the possibility of you coming out with red hair like your Grandma Caron, Aunt Brandy, and Aunt Megan, but since there isn't a single red head on my side, it isn't likely.
Right now your dad REALLY wants another dog. Your dad is slightly crazy about dogs, and I love our puppy, but right now, I can't imagine any other new family members until I get to hold you in my arms. I think we should wait until you turn two and let you pick out your own puppy. I'm a nice mommy like that.
Your whole family is so excited for your arrival. I'm warning you now, you are going to have a LOT of attention. All of your aunts and grandmas, uncles and grandpas have been so supportive of your dad and me. Even all of Mommy's facebook friends are sending their kind words and bits of advise. By the way, you aren't getting a facebook until you are 40, end of story. I don't care how cute you are!
Right now we are trying to figure out what we want your room to look like. Honestly, you probably won't spend much time in there, but your daddy is convinced it needs to be Pinterest perfect. Your dad is really loving the lion theme because he says Uriah is a strong name, and lions are strong animals. Uriah is a very strong name. Sometimes I tell people your name and they look at me funny. It's funny to imagine such a big name on such a small baby, but you are my strong little baby, and we both love the name. It means "light from God." Trust me kid, you definitely are. We prayed and prayed and prayed for you. You were such an incredible gift to us from God, and God has taken care of everything when it comes to our family. I'm sure that God is going to do amazing things in your life and you will most certainly shine that light.
Little Guy, we have so much planned for you for this pregnancy. We are going to take you camping, and hiking, and swimming. We will have a party just for you! You get to celebrate our first wedding anniversary with us, and then my birthday. We are going to see your uncle graduate and celebrate some of your cousins birthdays. We are so excited to take you with us to all these things. Come October (maybe September, it's up to you) you will get to experience all of these things from this side of the world. You will learn and grow, and form your own opinion about things, and find what you love. I'm so excited to see you do that, but until then I will hold you as close as ever, right in my belly where I keep you safe and nourished. I love you to the moon and back Uriah Blaine.

Love forever,

Mommy

Week 17 The best moment from one of the hardest weeks

I knew going into this that it wasn't going to be easy. I was fully aware that pregnancy isn't always rainbows and sunshine, but it's part of what trains you to become a mommy. This week, although I had one of the most beautiful moments of my life, has been really hard.
Like I said in my last post I had to have my prenatal appointment early because I was experiencing intense dizziness. There were also a lot of other symptoms I had been experiencing that I wanted to talk to my midwife about. It's been hard to listen to my body because it's hard to tell if what I am feeling is because I am pregnant, and is totally normal, or if it is something that needs to be checked out. Lately I've been feeling like the symptoms I've been having aren't easily summed up by pregnancy.
When I explained to my midwife all the things that have been going on she was a bit concerned for me. She decided to have my chart reviewed by all of the midwives at their meeting. Since then the dizziness has gotten a lot better, but not 100 percent. I do not feel better though. My heart has been having palpitations, and it feels like it is constantly racing. It's not like it disrupts my daily activities, but I have to breath through it and try to calm down. My joints have had terrible pain. It feels like the kind of pain I used to have when I had growing pains, or if I was under a lot of stress. Also, I've been having really terrible, sometimes demonic, vivid dreams that wake me up and make it really hard to go back to sleep. I wake up from those dreams and my body hurts and I'm uncomfortable and I just have to try to block it out of my head. I hate having dreams like that because I know my baby is effected by my body's reaction to the stress. I've also had a terrible time trying to breath still. I feel exhausted all the time from doing nothing and I find myself panting after walking short distances. On top of all of that, I'm pretty sure I have an ulcer. I think I've had it since before Uriah, but it is pretty painful every morning.
It's like my body is under this huge amount of stress, even though my life is happy and things are going so well.
My midwife told me that my thyroid levels came up low in one of my blood panels from my first appointment. She had me go in for another blood test to check them again. I was starting to stress about it a lot because thyroid is kinda a big deal. I googled hyperthyroidism and it was a really bad idea. I actually was under a lot of stress at that point. I got a call yesterday that went to my voicemail telling me that my tests came back completely normal.I'm VERY glad my thyroid levels are good, but then why do I feel like this? It's not twins, and it's not thyroid.... so? If this is all summed up to pregnancy then I'm just going to be happy everything is good, and try to get through it, and hope it is just a phase.
I can feel Uriah moving around in my belly all day, and it really keeps me going. I love feeling his kicks, and I can already tell they are getting stronger. My belly is growing, and although I can't button or zip some of my pants, I love that I can see how my little guy is growing. I love this baby more than I ever could have imagined, and I know that he is going to be just fine growing into a beautiful baby in my womb. One day I'm going to kiss his little face, and all of these symptoms won't matter. It will all accumulate to the sacrifices I had to make (that ALL mommies have to make) to grow a happy baby. I'm trying to focus on seeing his face in October and not about all of these crazy symptoms.

Boy or Girl? What's our little Sprout gonna be?

The past two days have turned out to be really quite exciting! Today held one of the most wonderful, happiest moments of my life!
But before I get ahead of myself, lets back track to what brought us here in the first place! On Wednesday night I was trying to make dinner and I got EXTREMELY dizzy. Way more dizzy than usual. Eating didn't help, and sitting down didn't help, so I tried to sleep it off. The next morning I was still so dizzy. I couldn't even get ready for work. I called in sick and called my midwife to ask her for advise. She told me to come in since she had an opening and we would have my 16 week appointment a little early.
Have I mentioned how awesome my birth center is? Every time I walk in there they offer me tea and I get to sit by the fireplace while I wait. It smelled like bacon so I asked if a momma had her baby, and sure enough a baby was delivered the day before and they were making the new family breakfast (I'm SO looking forward to that.)
I talked with my midwife for awhile about all these crazy symptoms I've been having and what has been going on in the last few weeks. I expressed my curiosity about the possibility of twins, and asked her to check out the growth of my uterus. I laid down on the bed and my midwife felt around and said that it was kind of high for 16 weeks, so an ultrasound would be a good idea to rule it out. I was like, "WHAAAAAT" I couldn't believe I could get an ultrasound so early to see my little baby. I was prepared to not see our little one until 20 weeks, so I nearly peed my pants with excitement knowing it would be sooner. MUCH sooner. We called up the ultrasound place and scheduled the ultrasound for the next day.
I couldn't wait to tell Zach! Anytime anything remotely interesting happens in my day, I can't wait to tell my husband, so this was almost unbearable. I was so happy to tell him the good news even though I was still so so dizzy.
Our appointment was at 1:30 today and Zach's new job let him leave work for awhile so he could come. I got about 3 hours of sleep last night because I was so excited to see my baby! I had Mollie meet me in the morning because I knew I would go nuts waiting around all day for it to happen, and she is great at reading ultrasounds so I wanted her there with us. Spending time with her two little rascals makes the time go by as quickly as possible. I chugged water and we all went to the center to see my perfect little Sprout.
I should note that I was curious about twins, I mean, my belly feels HUGE, but mostly I just knew we would be able to tell what our little one was packing... or not packing. And I felt like I was cheating the system by finding out so soon.
Anyways, we went into the "dark room" and I laid down on the bed and my ultrasound tech lubed me up and got the show on the road .Our ultrasound tech was the sweetest thing ever! I've never met a nicer one, and I'm really excited to see her again for our 20 week scan! We told her we were checking for twins, but this was my very first ultrasound and asked her if we can look at our baby for awhile, and she said, "Of course!" She was legitimately excited for us. She was so nice! She started the scan, and sure enough, only ONE little Sprout was there on the screen. My heart was so happy to see my little one. I was dying for Zach to come in, because he was a little late (naturally.) My sweet little baby was all curled up in a ball, snuggled so close to me. We had to wiggle my belly to get Sprout to open up the legs so we could sneak a peak. It seemed like eternity for us to get a good view, and then, sure enough... My little Sprout is a precious baby boy! Zach came in and I urgently told him, "There's only one!" He said "Oh good" and I told him our little Sprout was a baby boy and he was so surprised! We both were convinced we had a little lady on our hands! Zach came around and watched the screen with us. It was such a magical moment. I couldn't believe that seeing our little baby squirm around on the screen like that would bring up the most intense feelings of love and gratitude for this little life inside me. This is the best gift that has been given to us. I realize how special it is because not everyone gets to experience this. We are so so lucky to have our little guy, and I will never take that gift for granted. My heart is so full of love, not just for my little handsome guy in my belly, but also for my incredible husband who has been so supportive, and for our family who have helped us on this journey. Little guy is gonna wish he had a twin cause his little cheeks are going to get worn out from all the kisses.
I always imagined how it would feel to have our first ultrasound, and I underestimated it so much! Watching my husband's eyes look at our little baby just melted me. I held his hand and it's like there was absolutely nothing else in the world that mattered except for our precious little baby. We were completely in awe of the miracle we were seeing. I've never felt anything like it, and I'm so grateful we had the opportunity to see our baby boy. My husband was still so worried about me, he kept asking if I was feeling better, and why my uterus was so big, and if my thyroid was ok.
My theory is that this little guy inside me is brilliant and he knew just how to play his cards right so that we could see him early. Thank you little mister for making my uterus huge, I don't even care, you are my whole world!
My niece was so excited about seeing the baby up on the screen, it was so cute. Mollie was jumping up and down with excitement. We had so much fun looking at our little man from every angle. Our ultrasound tech was so awesome, and laughed right along with us. It was really hard for me to not laugh and cry, but I was trying not to make my belly shake... Although it was funny to see little guy wiggle when I laughed. It's funny because I've always thought that every baby looks the same on an ultrasound, but no, when you see your own baby up there I guarantee that your heart will just burst like you've never felt before. My little man was so tucked up and snuggling me and I wanted to cry. I never thought I would feel that way staring at a black and white picture. I was so excited to see all of his little bones and his little arms flailing around. He is my little baby. I am so thankful for every moment I have with him and that God chose me to be his mommy.
Zach had to go back to work after the scan and Mollie and the kids drove back up to Portland and here I am writing this blog trying to get everything out and trying not to ball my eyes out! You moms and future mommies know the struggle I'm sure.
Zach and I have had boy and girl names picked out since before we were even pregnant. Our little guy will be named, Uriah Blaine Gilbert. Uriah meaning God is my light, and Blaine being passed down so little Uriah will be at least the 4th Gilbert man to have the name. I really liked Uri as a nick name, but then Ella put it so perfectly as she calls him "Riah" I swear that little girl has the best ideas. Before Mollie left today Ella said, "I can't wait to see my friend again!" Mollie asked her what friend, and she said "My friend in Aunty Carol's belly"
Me either Ella Kay, me either. Uriah is giving me some nice little kicks right now and telling me I should take a freakin nap!

16 weeks! Movement!

I felt my little one MOVE! I've been waiting for this for about 12 weeks, so as soon as I got that positive test I've been waiting. Sometimes I would just sit there and focus really really hard on my uterus just waiting for something, and nothing would happen.
Sunday I was feeling super mopey and pathetic because it was Easter and we didn't have any plans and I was sad about it. Zach had to do homework so I had to entertain myself. I was being a real stick-in-the-mud so I was laying on the floor under the table like the way I used to do when I was a kid. I have no idea what inspired me to do so, but it just felt right I guess. As I was laying there I felt like someone was gently prodding me. It was in the right place that the baby would be so I just laid there for a little longer. Sure enough I felt Sprout poking me in the same spot. It wasn't one of those jump up and down moments because I was afraid that it wasn't Sprout. It was so subtle, but I felt it later on in the day too, and now I am sure that Sprout was definitely poking me.
It is delightful to feel my little one rolling around. It makes me really excited for Zach to be able to feel Sprout move too. I am really starting to enjoy pregnancy instead of always wishing I was further along than I am. People who know I am pregnant are starting to notice my bump. I feel HUGE for only being 16 weeks. I'm starting to get paranoid that there are two in there. We haven't had an ultrasound yet, so there is no way of knowing for sure. I'm pretty sure every pregnant woman wonders this before they find out for sure, but man, I feel HUGE. And I'm only going to get bigger... much bigger. Sprout is going to be a big baby. I'm ok with that, the more rolls the merrier. Just as long as he/she's got that butt chin!
I've had a lot of indigestion this week. It hurts and it makes me uncomfortable, but I realize it's all apart of the process. It seems like most of my symptoms only last a few weeks (except for my boobs, those will hurt for forever I've realized.) My tummy is itchy, and thanks to you great fb friends, I started using Virgin Coconut Oil on the bump, and it helps a lot. It isn't oily and sticky like I thought it would be either! I have had terrible shortness of breath from Sprout's need for more oxygen, and my nose is still stuffy so I feel like day one of biggest loser pretty much every day. Like I've said before, isn't pregnancy so cute?
Is it too early to say I can't wait for this baby to come? I feel so much love for this little one and I can't even hold it yet. I just want to smother my little Sprout in kisses and tell him/her how much I love it. I can feel myself turning into a mommy, and I love it. October seems so far away right now!

15 weeks with my little Sprout

Where did this nausea come from? I really thought I dodged that bullet for the most part, but week 15 has been a touchy one. I keep getting nauseous, and it's really annoying, go figure. My appetite is really non-existent and I'm full after a small amount of food, which makes me sad because I used to be able to go to TOWN on food. Those days are over. LONG GONE. Some times I dream about eating a huge burrito and finishing the whole thing. Especially because I'm supposed to be eating more calories now that I'm in my second trimester, oh the irony.
The husband started his new job at Garmin this week! Have I mentioned how cool I think he is? It's awesome seeing him turn into Daddy, instead of just Husband. It's crazy enough believing that I will be a mommy, let alone believing that Zach will be a daddy in just a few months. Garmin is great so far. We get a great product discount on all things Garmin. Did you know they have a high def video camera similar to the Go-Pro, except theirs is way more awesome? It's called the Virb. I was saving all of my tips and all of our extra cash for a Go-Pro and now that Zach works for Garmin we can get the Virb for almost half the price. I'm really excited to start using it to watch our family grow in a new, fun, and creative way. Zach also got to rent an e trex from work so we can go geo-cashing. Do people still do that?
We also got a grill this week which may not seem very important, but I feel like a real family now in a cheesy American dream sorta way. BBQ's bring family together and encourage people to spend more time outside, which are two of my favorite things.
Today I went to the tulip festival with Mollie, and the two kids, and we also met our friend since we were little, Susie, and her perfect little baby girl. It was so fun! The tulips were beautiful and there were tons of other fun things for the kids to do

. I can't wait to take my little sprout there next year! It was a beautiful day and it was so nice to talk with Mollie and Susie about all things baby!
I'm really looking forward to feeling my little Sprout kick and wiggle. I guess Sprout's bones are starting to calcify, so that means I should be feeling little one moving soon. I can't wait!!!