21er!

Pregnancy is starting to become more beautiful and more enjoyable with each kick and wiggle my little guy gives to me. It is seriously the best thing ever. I can now feel where my little guy is most of the time, and if he is close to the top I can feel him from the outside. It is so cool feeling my baby from the outside. Zach keeps telling me he is going to come out with little bruises because I keep poking him. The mornings are the best when I get to "sleep in" because if I lay on my back then Uriah usually floats to the top and I can feel the whole length of his body. It is unbearably exciting and I tell him how much I love him and I rub where I guess that his little back is. I feel like I am already getting to know my son even though I can't see him. I love this stage of pregnancy. I LOVE it.
People are regularly asking me about my pregnancy without me saying anything, and it makes me proud of my little guy for growing so big, and making me feel so beautiful. I'm trying to enjoy every minute because I know that I will miss being pregnant, and I will miss feeling my baby growing inside of me. Pregnancy is so often uncomfortable, and it makes me feel crazy sometimes, so I'm really trying to focus on the positive.
A few of my friends had their babies recently, and it puts things into perspective for me. Things like, I won't be pregnant FOREVER and I WILL have my baby one day. I always thought 9 months was no time at all, but now it feels like eternity.
Zach and I got to babysit for my sister while she and her hubby went on a date. Zach was carrying around Wesley, my 7 month old nephew, in the ergo carrier and it was one of the best things I've ever seen. He is going to be such a great dad, and I can't wait to see him with our son. It will also be fun to watch Reggie with a baby because he is already so great with Wesley. Yesterday Wesley grabbed on to Reggie's leg and pulled himself up to standing and Reggie just stood there and let it happen. He is a good dog. He has a licking problem, but he is a good dog.
Zach and I have started talking about what we will do when mister Uriah comes as far as work goes. Ideally I don't want to have to work for awhile (9 months to a year) after he comes, but we also gotta pay those bills! So far we are just working on saving money, but we are praying that God shows us exactly what we need to do. God has been so faithful in showing us our path, and I have peace (at least for right now) that he will continue to do so. Worst case scenario? Uriah is going to be spoiled completely rotten by his grandmas while I'm working and pumping that milk.
I had another appointment last week at Bella Vie to check in and see how I was doing. They asked the usual questions, are you constipated? Any swelling? How are you feeling? We also talked about the appointment I had with the doctor in Beaverton and some of the symptoms that have been bothering me. I explained that overall I felt fine, and when I started nit-picking my symptoms it started to stress me out and make me feel inadequate about myself. My midwife encouraged me to look at the big picture and trust my body instead of stressing out about symptoms. I got to meet the rest of my birth team at the appointment, and I feel awesome about my labor already. Would you think I was crazy if I told you I look forward to my labor and delivery? Because I do! I can't wait to bring this baby into the world, and although I'm sure it will hurt, my body is strong and capable, and I can do it! I'm not afraid of the pain, or the struggle, or what might go wrong, I'm just excited to deliver my Uriah like a champ! I have no reason to be afraid.

Not your typical FOOD blog.

Ever since I've been pregnant I've had to become even more aware of what goes into my body because now, obviously, I'm not just feeding myself. I guess you could say I'm a fairly typical eater, I go out to eat every once in awhile, only fast food once every two months. I prepare my own food at home most of the time, but that doesn't mean it's healthy all the time.
I had a doctor tell me recently that I have low blood sugar and I am also anemic. I was really disappointed to hear this because I feel like I'm doing a bad job at giving myself and my baby the nutrition we need. It hasn't been easy for me to eat during this pregnancy because I only want to eat when I'm REALLY hungry, and then when I do eat I don't eat very much. I have also been craving sweets like a mad woman.
I've also been struggling with juggling everyone's opinion about what I should or shouldn't be eating. I've found during pregnancy people will tell you what you should and should not be eating. I've found this incredibly frustrating, and it's hard to not take offense to what people say. I work at a coffee shop and I have CHOSEN to not drink caffeinated espresso. Why? Because it dehydrates me and makes me jittery when I haven't eaten a lot. I do not believe that drinking a cup of coffee or two a day is in any way going to hurt my baby. Some women don't give up coffee at all, and drink tons of it, and they have healthy happy babies and they don't spend 9 months being grumpy because of it. Does this stop anyone from making comments to me about not drinking coffee? No! I hear things like, "Oh no, that's not for you is it?" Or, "I hope that's decaf!" I have a couple ways I could chose to respond, I could either inform them it's not for me, or it is decaf, and they would feel justified in saying something. I could inform them on caffeine's effect on a baby and how a cup of coffee won't hurt my baby, and then they would judge me anyways, or I could just play along and again, they would be glad they saved my poor fetus from shrinking to death. None of these makes me feel any better, and so I hate when people say things to me about coffee. It's as if they HAVE to say something, like they MUST address the situation or it's awkward if they don't.
I've also had a couple people ask me if I'm "allowed" to have fish. Most of the time I don't feel like preaching to them about mercury, and how it's found in a couple kinds of fish, and how many great things there are in fish for everyone, not just pregnant women, and fish should be eaten at least once a week and blah blah blah. Sometimes I feel like it would be easier for me if I had done no research and just been a pregnant little sheep who didn't think for herself or do any research on anything so that I would be blissfully unaware of how people like to keep pregnant women in a box.
All of these things have been dwindling away my confidence in myself and my ability to take care of myself and my family, and I wonder, will I ever be one of those moms who can consistently prepare healthy meals for my family? Will I ever be able to stop eating sugars and processed foods every once in awhile? Is it ok if I don't?
I hate that I feel this way, but I know nutrition is something I need to work on. I've been trying to figure out how to make eating right functional for us, and it isn't easy. I don't want to eat right for the sake of bragging about it on Instagram or Facebook. I need to find a way to being committed to making permanent changes in our diet. If I get there, I'll let you know. I know it isn't something that is going to happen overnight, and subtle progressive changes are what is going to last. I also know that I have to stop feeling so guilty about everything and just try my best, but it's easy to be brought down by people's words, and I have to learn to shake it off, 'cause you all know they aren't going to stop saying things. I'm trying to become a stronger woman, and confidence doesn't come easy to me. I want to make a difference by not being someone who says belittling things to other women, but being encouraging and not judging other women. Mistakes are inevitable, but I hope people think of me as someone who is supportive and nice, and someone who isn't perfect, but tries her best.

HALFWAY!!!

Well, this has certainly been the most exciting 20 weeks of my life! It seems like ages ago when I got that positive pregnancy test, and we have come so far since then. My little Sprout has grown to the size of a banana, and is kicking me and being a crazy little baby already.
This week was pretty emotional. I thought I was over the moodies, but I guess not. I had a doctors appointment in Beaverton on Thursday and it went well up until I had to sit there and wait for another blood draw... I just REALLY didn't want them to draw blood again. I'm not even afraid of needles, I just didn't want them too. I was being a giant baby, and I honestly wanted to cry. I didn't, but I wanted to! My doctor is having me take a bunch of supplements to help with my stomach, and I'm also on iron now because apparently I'm anemic. I have to swallow a lot of pills now, and sometimes they make me gag. It ain't cute, and it takes me about 15 minutes to get them all down. YUCK. My doctor informed me that I have low blood sugar which means I need to eat every 2 hours which is a lot harder than it sounds. I'm never hungry that often and it isn't fun to eat when I'm not hungry. But seriously, every two hours? Ain't nobody got time for that!
I also got sick on Friday, so I'm still recovering from a cold. The good thing about the cold is that I can't even feel my heartburn thanks to all the mucus! YAY mucus! I spent the entirety of Saturday and Sunday on the couch. It was exciting.
My bump is huge now! I love it, I love it so much! I really feel pregnant and not fat. I feel like my skin has been stretching more so my stomach doesn't feel so tight after I eat. Uriah is just making himself at home in there, and I love his company.
I have another prenatal appointment tomorrow, and I look forward to another meeting with my awesome midwife. I'm almost done reading Ina May's guide to childbirth, and I have learned SO MUCH! This book is a lot more than I expected it to be. Have any of you other moms read it? If not you should! I love teaching Zach about the things I read. It makes me feel oh so smart!
I am looking forward to the next 20 weeks. More growing and learning, and falling more in love with this guy I haven't even met yet. The more I experience life the more I learn about the depths of love. I am excited to see my son for the first time and know what it feels like to hold my baby, something that I created with my husband, and love my son so completely that there is no greater feeling. That will be the day, but until then, I'll keep rocking this baby bump, and enjoy the ride.

Also, this awkward picture happened, I think it's funny though, so I must share!

Nice photobomb Reg.

19 weeks

Today I am 19 weeks pregnant. Every week, like so many other pregnant women, I like to look at my handy dandy pregnancy app (who am I kidding, I have at least 3) and see how big the baby is. I used to think, "how cute, a little raspberry" but now I am like, "MANGO? Where am I supposed to fit that?" I feel like my belly isn't growing fast enough. I cannot eat a lot, and I cannot take a deep breath. I knew these were all things that happened when you got pregnant, but I was expecting this at like 30 weeks, not 19.
Zach was able to feel Uriah move for the first time on Mother's day. It was such an awesome experience. He got really excited and immediately put his head on my tummy and started talking to him. He was pretty impressed with his little son's brute strength to kick through so many layers to say hi to him. I can feel Uriah moving all throughout the day now. I can tell when he is sleeping and when he is awake, and I can tell that he finally has budged from his curled up position on the bottom. I got a video of him kicking me and you can see my belly rise from the outside. For some reason I think this is the best thing ever. It is the best feeling to feel my son getting stronger and stronger. I love being able to feel where he is hanging out, and wondering whether he is kicking or punching. I think pregnancy is incredible (yeah, I know, I'm one of THOSE women) and growing a baby is really cool.
Another first this week is that someone noticed I was pregnant for the first time without me saying anything to them! It was one of my customers at work, and she said it wasn't that I was huge or anything, she said there is just a "way about me." and she could "just tell." It was probably one of the best things anyone has said to me, because sometimes pregnancy really isn't cute, and I feel awkward about my body. But moments like that I'm like, "Hell yeah, I'm a beautiful vessel of life!"
This week we also celebrated Mothers Day together. It was a lovely day. Usually I tell Zach what I want for whatever occasion presents itself (birthday, Christmas, V-day etc.) but last sunday was different because I'm not entirely a mom yet.. You know? So it's kinda different. Anyways, Zach was really sweet to me all day and made me feel very warm and special and loved. He took me to get a new cell phone because I couldn't hear out of my old one, and I wanted a nicer camera before my gorgeous, super-model, perfect baby came, so that I could capture every ounce of beauty. So I upgraded to the Samsung Galaxy S5 and it's great, so happy Mother's day to me. We also had dinner at my in-laws. The night before I got to see my incredible sisters, and my mommy and we celebrated being moms together. I really love all of the women in my life. I also got the best surprise ever in my mailbox on Mothers day. It was a cute little onesie with a bow tie on it, and it says, "ladies man" on it. It was accompanied by the sweetest card from my best friend Aloura. It was exactly what I needed that morning because I woke up feeling really grumpy. I'm so thankful for her because even though we live so far away from each other I still feel so connected to her, and I always know that she is rooting for me. She is the best.
Today was SO NICE! I woke up and went to hangout with my mother in law Julie, and we did a little bit of weed pulling in the garden. We also made Strawberry freezer jam, and made a collage of a bunch of adorable pictures of my brother in law for his graduation party. We went to lunch together and also did a bit of shopping. I realize how fortunate I am to have such loving in laws, and I'm very thankful for all of them.
I also got to go outside and lay (uncomfortably) in the grass and play fetch with Reggie. I soaked up some vitamin D and I read a book that my mother in law(Caron) sent to me for mothers day that I have been wanting to read called Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. So far the book is very interesting, and I am really enjoying it!
This week I have a doctor's appointment to talk about my symptoms, and hopefully get some advise about them. Next week is my next prenatal appointment, and the week after is my ANATOMY SCAN! I can't wait to see my little Uriah Blaine again!

Week 18, Month 5

This week has already been better than the last! I was under some serious stress last week, and it wasn't helping my symptoms. I'm really glad I was honest with my post because the out-pouring of support and advise from all of you followers was so encouraging. Sometimes it is really hard to focus on anything besides what is going on with my crazy body, but it was nice to hear such encouraging words and hear other mommies stories as well. It helps put everything into perspective. So, thank you to all of you who were so kind to me, and also those of you who have been praying for me and my little Uriah.
It's kinda funny, before I got pregnant I always looked at mothers as like this sort of cult, like they all talked about diapers and crawling and first words, and the only way to relate to them was by having a kid. I was also afraid of most moms because a lot of moms come with very strong opinions on just about everything. I was afraid of being judged for making my own parenting decisions. What I didn't expect was how amazingly encouraging moms are. I've never once felt alone in this journey, and for that I am so grateful. I also have learned that although I will be judged for making some decisions, I really could care less. I am very confident in making decisions for my family. I also have learned to respect other mommies for making their own decisions for their families too. Now that I'm having a baby I realize that for every decision there is to make about parenthood, there are a million circumstances that influence the decider. I speak for myself and my family only about whats best for us, and sometimes only myself, because believe it or not, Zach and I don't agree on everything, shocker, right?
I've been thinking a lot about all of the first-trimester mommies out there who are experiencing the newness of pregnancy, but haven't announced it yet because of the fear of miscarriage. Thank goodness I had my sisters, my family, and my best friends to help me through that stage because the 1st trimester is rough! I wish women felt more comfortable announcing their pregnancies sooner for this reason. I actually wanted to announce sooner than I did because I was SO EXCITED about it, but I felt like people would judge me for doing it so early. How sad is that? So if you are in your first trimester and want to talk about how crazy pregnancy is with someone, talk to me because I know how you feel, and no one should have to feel like they have to hide such an exciting thing from everyone.
On that note, if anyone is trying to conceive a baby read all of my blogs on how frustrating it is. IT SUCKS! And I only had to try for four months before we got our little guy. I won't tell you to "just don't stress about it, it will happen" because I know that isn't helpful. Not everyone gets pregnant immediately, and people don't talk publicly about the struggle to get pregnant because it's a tough journey. It should be talked about because women going through this need support. Every month when I cried because I got my period I needed the support from my family and friends, and I'm lucky to have them, but not everyone does. For some it's a silent battle, and if that's you, I'm here for you!
Anyways! I have been feeling better, I'm not as dizzy and my heart palpitations aren't bothering me like they were because I'm kinda getting used to it. My dreams have also gotten a lot better and I think it is because I've let go of a lot of stress. I talked to my midwife and I am still going to go to a doctor to talk about my symptoms and the possibility of me having an ulcer. It helps that my little guy is SO strong now, and when he kicks me I really feel it, and it is the most comforting thing ever before I fall asleep. He is already such a sweet baby for helping me feel better, thanks bud.
I have so much to look forward to for this pregnancy and although it is going to be a HOT summer with a huge belly (sweat EVERYwhere) we have so many fun things going on. I'm excited for many weekends with family, and a camping trip with Uriah's Aunty Lola and Uncle Dustin in Washington. He is a lucky little fetus.

Letter to my baby

Dear Uriah Blaine,
 Last night your daddy was able to feel you moving for the first time! I was overjoyed to share that experience with him because I love being able to feel you kicking and wiggling in there. I first felt you move around 15 weeks, and it was one of the best feelings. Since then I've felt you grow stronger and stronger. You are growing into such a strong baby, and I'm so privileged that I get to feel you grow like this. Every morning I wake up I can feel you wake up too. I feel so connected to you and I am trying to cherish every moment because I will only ever hold you this close for this one part of your life.
I am starting to feel like where ever I go I bring Uriah with me. My belly is growing and  even throughout the day I can feel you kicking me, reminding me that you are in there. It's completely distracting and I love it every time. People are starting to notice my belly growing and it makes me so so proud of you! Every week your dad asks me, "How big is he now?" And I tell him whatever random fruit/veggie you are the size of. This week you are the size of a bell pepper. Your dad is pretty impressed by that. Last week you were the size of an onion, you're my little salsa baby.
One of the best things about being pregnant with you is watching my husband turn into your father. We talk about you all the time. We wonder what you are going to look like. We talk about what we will do if you do NOT have a butt-chin (love that little chin anyways, but wonder how you escaped the odds.) We talk about what sports you will play, and I tell your daddy that you aren't allowed to do motocross because it is much too dangerous. Then your dad tells me that you will do whatever you want to do. He even told me if you want to be a ballerina he will practice your dances with you. I'm really hoping you go this route now because I really want to see your dad in a tu-tu. We discussed the possibility of you coming out with red hair like your Grandma Caron, Aunt Brandy, and Aunt Megan, but since there isn't a single red head on my side, it isn't likely.
Right now your dad REALLY wants another dog. Your dad is slightly crazy about dogs, and I love our puppy, but right now, I can't imagine any other new family members until I get to hold you in my arms. I think we should wait until you turn two and let you pick out your own puppy. I'm a nice mommy like that.
Your whole family is so excited for your arrival. I'm warning you now, you are going to have a LOT of attention. All of your aunts and grandmas, uncles and grandpas have been so supportive of your dad and me. Even all of Mommy's facebook friends are sending their kind words and bits of advise. By the way, you aren't getting a facebook until you are 40, end of story. I don't care how cute you are!
Right now we are trying to figure out what we want your room to look like. Honestly, you probably won't spend much time in there, but your daddy is convinced it needs to be Pinterest perfect. Your dad is really loving the lion theme because he says Uriah is a strong name, and lions are strong animals. Uriah is a very strong name. Sometimes I tell people your name and they look at me funny. It's funny to imagine such a big name on such a small baby, but you are my strong little baby, and we both love the name. It means "light from God." Trust me kid, you definitely are. We prayed and prayed and prayed for you. You were such an incredible gift to us from God, and God has taken care of everything when it comes to our family. I'm sure that God is going to do amazing things in your life and you will most certainly shine that light.
Little Guy, we have so much planned for you for this pregnancy. We are going to take you camping, and hiking, and swimming. We will have a party just for you! You get to celebrate our first wedding anniversary with us, and then my birthday. We are going to see your uncle graduate and celebrate some of your cousins birthdays. We are so excited to take you with us to all these things. Come October (maybe September, it's up to you) you will get to experience all of these things from this side of the world. You will learn and grow, and form your own opinion about things, and find what you love. I'm so excited to see you do that, but until then I will hold you as close as ever, right in my belly where I keep you safe and nourished. I love you to the moon and back Uriah Blaine.

Love forever,

Mommy

Week 17 The best moment from one of the hardest weeks

I knew going into this that it wasn't going to be easy. I was fully aware that pregnancy isn't always rainbows and sunshine, but it's part of what trains you to become a mommy. This week, although I had one of the most beautiful moments of my life, has been really hard.
Like I said in my last post I had to have my prenatal appointment early because I was experiencing intense dizziness. There were also a lot of other symptoms I had been experiencing that I wanted to talk to my midwife about. It's been hard to listen to my body because it's hard to tell if what I am feeling is because I am pregnant, and is totally normal, or if it is something that needs to be checked out. Lately I've been feeling like the symptoms I've been having aren't easily summed up by pregnancy.
When I explained to my midwife all the things that have been going on she was a bit concerned for me. She decided to have my chart reviewed by all of the midwives at their meeting. Since then the dizziness has gotten a lot better, but not 100 percent. I do not feel better though. My heart has been having palpitations, and it feels like it is constantly racing. It's not like it disrupts my daily activities, but I have to breath through it and try to calm down. My joints have had terrible pain. It feels like the kind of pain I used to have when I had growing pains, or if I was under a lot of stress. Also, I've been having really terrible, sometimes demonic, vivid dreams that wake me up and make it really hard to go back to sleep. I wake up from those dreams and my body hurts and I'm uncomfortable and I just have to try to block it out of my head. I hate having dreams like that because I know my baby is effected by my body's reaction to the stress. I've also had a terrible time trying to breath still. I feel exhausted all the time from doing nothing and I find myself panting after walking short distances. On top of all of that, I'm pretty sure I have an ulcer. I think I've had it since before Uriah, but it is pretty painful every morning.
It's like my body is under this huge amount of stress, even though my life is happy and things are going so well.
My midwife told me that my thyroid levels came up low in one of my blood panels from my first appointment. She had me go in for another blood test to check them again. I was starting to stress about it a lot because thyroid is kinda a big deal. I googled hyperthyroidism and it was a really bad idea. I actually was under a lot of stress at that point. I got a call yesterday that went to my voicemail telling me that my tests came back completely normal.I'm VERY glad my thyroid levels are good, but then why do I feel like this? It's not twins, and it's not thyroid.... so? If this is all summed up to pregnancy then I'm just going to be happy everything is good, and try to get through it, and hope it is just a phase.
I can feel Uriah moving around in my belly all day, and it really keeps me going. I love feeling his kicks, and I can already tell they are getting stronger. My belly is growing, and although I can't button or zip some of my pants, I love that I can see how my little guy is growing. I love this baby more than I ever could have imagined, and I know that he is going to be just fine growing into a beautiful baby in my womb. One day I'm going to kiss his little face, and all of these symptoms won't matter. It will all accumulate to the sacrifices I had to make (that ALL mommies have to make) to grow a happy baby. I'm trying to focus on seeing his face in October and not about all of these crazy symptoms.